


Winter Not-So-Wonderland

by DestielWS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Closeted Dean, Comforting Castiel, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Hurt Dean, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Smut, Omorashi, Other, Trans Dean, Trans Male Character, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-08-23 13:52:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielWS/pseuds/DestielWS
Summary: Cas invites his boyfriend up to a cabin in the woods for a romantic winter break, but after getting hit with an unexpected massive blizzard, the two of them have to hole up in the cabin for a couple days at least which wouldn't be too much a problem except the bathrooms are all outside. Cas presents the solution of a bucket, but Dean refuses to use it since it runs the risk of Cas finding out that he's trans. But holding it can only go on so long and Dean has to find his own solution.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not even snowing anywhere yet, but shhh I love winter.

“This is bullshit.” Dean sighed, looking out the window of the small cabin unhappily.

 

“I did not plan for this, Dean.” Cas frowned. “You know this.”

 

“I can't tell if we're already snowed in or that's just how heavy the snow is falling.” Dean stated, gesturing to the solid white on the outside of the window.

 

“Probably both.” Cas replied. “On the upside, we still have power. Want to watch a movie or something romantic like that?”

 

“You know I don't find regular couple stuff romantic.” Dean said, turning away from the window and looking at his boyfriend.

 

“I know. Just a suggestion.” Cas muttered, taking a deep breath and taking out his phone.

 

“What are you doing? Don't use up all your battery on Candy Crush or something. If the power goes out, we'll be fucked.” Dean huffed.

 

“I'm checking the weather. “ Cas answered.

 

Cas and Dean were in school together, but had winter break off. Cas invited Dean to come up with him to a small, family cabin up north in an effort to show Dean that he was truly enamored with him. And also maybe a tiny bit in hopes to get laid. But mostly to prove his dedication. The trip sounded great until two days into it, they found out a massive snow storm was forming right above them and they had no choice but to stock up on supplies and weather it out in their cabin.

 

“What's it say?” Dean asked.

 

“No change. We're still gonna be here all night, and good amount of tomorrow. Maybe longer depending on how bad it hits us.” Cas replied.

 

“God dammit. I hate this.” Dean grumbled.

 

“I know. I'm sorry I invited you up here.” Cas frowned.

 

“Don't be. I like that you thought to invite me, I just. Fuck this weather.” Dean smiled.

 

“Yeah. Fuck this weather.” Cas chuckled.

 

“Wait. We're gonna be stuck in this cabin for a couple days?” Dean scoffed.

 

“Yes.” Cas nodded.

 

“I… We don't have a bathroom in this cabin.” Dean said.

 

“I know.” Cas replied.

 

“But if we can't get to the community bathroom building, what are we supposed to do?” Dean asked.

 

Cas reached over the kitchen counter and held up a bucket.

 

“Oh hell no.” Dean groaned.

 

“I had the foresight to figure something out.” Cas said.

 

“A bucket is not foresight and definitely not a solution. I'm not using a bucket.” Dean argued.

 

“Well you're free to try your chances in the snow except you're not free to do that because I'm not sending yoU out to die.” Cas stated.

 

“I'm not using a bucket.” Dean repeated. “I have more dignity than that.”

 

“Dignity?” Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean. “It's a bucket. It's not different from peeing anywhere else. Just whip it out easy peasy. And as far ,as other things… well… it's a bucket.” Cas mused awkwardly.

 

“Yeah, right.” Dean sighed, sighing in frustration. He was frustrated because Cas was wrong. He could not just 'whip it out' like usual. Because he had nothing to whip out. Dean was trans and was far too scared to tell his own boyfriend. He knew it was something you tell the person you're dating, but he liked him so much and he didn't want him to dump him and maybe someone who was bi would be less picky, but Cas was as gay as they come and Dean was too scared of losing him because he didn't have a dick.

 

Cas made his way over towards Dean and sat on his lap. “Well, I can think of one way to pass the time stuck in here.”

 

Dean grimaced internally. He figured this was coming, too. He knew at some point Cas was going to want to have sex. And Dean really wanted to, too, but sex meant Cas finding out he was trans and he didn't want to do that.

 

“What if we suffocate while in the middle and we have to be found like that?” Dean asked.

 

“You can just say no.” Cas stated. “You know I'll wait until whenever you're ready.”

 

“It's a serious question!” Dean protested.

 

“We are not going to be in here long enough to suffocate ourselves.”  Cas said, gently kissing Dean on the lips. “I promise.”

 

“For the record, you know. I want to.” Dean stated. “I want to have sex with you, just… now might not be the best time.”

 

“You're a virgin, aren't you?” Cas asked.

 

“What?” Dean scoffed.

 

“You want to wait until the right person and the right moment. I get it.” Cas replied.

 

“I… Yeah.” Dean lied, nodding. “That's it.”

 

“It's okay. I won't hold it against you. I was like that too with my first boyfriend.” Cas stated, resting his head on top of Dean's and leaning into him.

 

And that's when Dean felt it. That first dreaded sensation of need as Cas shifted his weight and it pressed against Dean's bladder. He instantly regretted letting Cas make him so much hot cocoa earlier.

 

“Can I ask you a dumb question?” Dean whispered after a moment.

 

“That's a dumb question.” Cas stated. “You can always ask me anything.”

 

“You're not… you're not planning on breaking up with me, are you?” Dean asked.

 

“What?” Cas frowned. “No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”

 

“I don't. I just, worry.” Dean sighed.

 

“I did not invite you for a romantic weekend in the snowy woods because I'm planning on breaking up with you.”  Cas said. “I adore you, Dean.”

 

“You promise?” Dean followed.

 

“I promise.” Cas breathed, smiling softly and giving Dean's hand a gentle squeeze. “Are you cold?”

 

“Yeah, a little.” Dean replied.

 

“You want me to go turn up the heat?” Cas offered.

 

“No, I want to save our power if anything happens.” Dean stated.

 

“Alright. If you change your mind, let me know.” Cas stated, going to get up off of Dean's lap.

 

“You know, maybe we could keep warm under the blankets?” Dean suggested.

 

“You mean go snuggle?” Cas asked.

 

Dean nodded slowly. “Not in those words though. Manly men aren't supposed to ask for that kind of stuff.” He chuckled.

 

“Sure they are. We can go snuggle.” Cas responded, getting up and taking Dean's hand to help him up.

 

“You better not tell anyone I ever asked for that.” Dean growled.

 

“Don't worry. Your fragile masculinity will stay intact as far as I'm concerned.” Cas stated.

 

“It's not fragile.” Dean argued.

 

“Yes it is. Even I can tell. And I'm bad with people.” Cas mused. “So worried that being affectionate with your own boyfriend is something shameful and effeminate... But is it fragile masculinity or actually internalized homophobia?”

 

“Oh God.” Dean groaned. “Don't think because you took Psych 101 you can figure anything out now.”

 

“I could graduate with a doctorate in psychology and still not be able to figure shit out.” Cas deadpanned, earning a loud laugh from Dean.

 

“That's very true.” Dean smiled, Cas throwing back the blankets on the bed and getting in.

 

“These sheets are cold.” Dean stated.

 

“They'll warm up in a second. Body heat is much warmer than room temperature.” Cas said, draping one arm around Dean and kissing his neck. “You're a bit of a pain, Dean, if I'm being honest.”

 

“Remind me to never ask for your honest opinion on anything.” Dean snorted.

 

“You're a bit of a pain, but you're amazing.” Cas amended. “You're so smart and charismatic and handsome and I am way too lucky to have you” Cas hummed, moving his leg over Dean's. “What's your really dark secret that balances out all the good about you? No one is as good as you are without some kind of dirt.”

 

“There's no dark secret.” Dean chuckled. “I wish I were that interesting, but I'm not. I'm just regular, boring me.” Dean said.

 

“There's nothing boring and normal about you, Dean.” Cas said.  ”You are simply extraordinary.”

 

“what makes you say that?” Dean scoffed. “I am such a boring fuck.”

 

“No you're not. Don't ever think that.” Cas sighed. “You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met, Dean. Sincerely.”

 

“I bet you say that to all your boys.” Dean smirked.

 

“No.” Cas used his arm to pull Dean over to face him and looked in his eyes. “I mean it.”

 

“You see something that no one else in the world sees then.” Dean retorted.

 

“Maybe. But the rest of the world would have to be blind to not see in you what I see in you.” Cas argued, leaning forward and pressing his lisps gently against Dean's. “You're fascinating.”

 

“Stop flattering me. You'll make my ego get too big.” Dean hummed.

 

“Oh come on. You could use a little ego-inflating.” Cas  breathed.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Dean laughed.

 

“You're self-conscious. Or at least you appear that way.” Cas frowned. “And you don't need to be self-conscious.”

 

“Oh come on!” Dean drawled. “If you even think about taking another psychology class, I am literally going to break up with you on the spot.”

 

“I didn't need Psych 101 to be able to tell that about you, Dean.” Cas sighed. “I wish you loved yourself more.”

 

“I love myself plenty.” Dean snorted.

 

“Not like you should.” Cas said.

 

“Listen, I said I wanted to snuggle, not get told who I am by some know-it-all frat boy reject.” Dean teased.

 

“I'll have you know I was not a reject. I just declined it myself.” Cas said.

 

“You should let me take you t a party sometime, then. They're a lot of fun when you're not alone.” Dean smiled.

 

“Excessive drinking is not my thing, but I appreciate the offer.” Cas replied.

 

“We don't have to get excessively drunk. We can just get a little buzzed and make fun of all the people that do.” Dean replied.

 

“Okay, maybe that sounds feasible.” Cas smiled. “I'd do anything to get more time with you.”

 

“Anything? Like get us all locked up in a cabin during a snowstorm.” Dean stated.

 

“Of course not.” Cas rolled his eyes. “I'm going to go stir crazy in here without anything to do.”

 

“There's things to do.” Dean said.

 

“Yeah, technically there is, but just because I know I'm trapped in here, I'm going to want to go out and do something. Probably reverse psychology or something equally as annoying.” Cas grumbled.

 

“I can understand that.” Dean nodded, exhaling tensely and adjusting his legs as his bladder reminded him about all the hot cocoa.

 

“Are you alright?” Cas asked.

 

“Fine.” Dean nodded. “Just have to use the bathroom.”

 

“Then use it. I'll wait for you and keep the bed warm.” Cas stated.

 

“No, I'm not going to.” Dean argued. “I don't… I can't stand the thought of using the bathroom with other people around.”

 

“It's in another room, Dean.” Cas replied. “And I am going to stay right here in bed so you will have total privacy.”

 

“I know, I just. It's a… psychological thing.” Dean sighed.

 

“It's no different than any other… for lack of a better term – target practice – that us guys like to do.” Cas stated.

 

“Yes, it is.” Dean grumbled. “I can't do it.”

 

“Why not?” Cas huffed.

 

“I just can't, Cas.” Dean snapped. “I just don't work that way.”

 

“What do you mean you don't work that way?” Cas demanded. “Because you're going to have to figure something out here, Dean. We're gonna be here a couple days. Bucket, cup, bowl, figure something out.”

 

“I can't.” Dean repeated. “But whatever.”

 

“I'm sure when you have to go bad enough, you'll forget all about how a bucket isn't a normal, private toilet, Dean.” Cas said. “See, this is why you're a tiny bit unbearable.”

 

“Thanks.” Dean sneered, trying to figure out how he was supposed to use the bathroom without Cas seeing him. 

 

Sure, he could try the bucket, but there's always the chance Cas would see him still and even if he didn't, he had no sense of aim and the bucket wasn't that generous in size. He'd have to be rather precise. He really had no qualm using various containers if it weren't for his 'in the closet' predicament. His family used to go on car trips all the time and the family would pass around a container to use, but  _ this  _ was not the same situation.

* * *

 

Maybe Cas was right to a degree. Just instead of homophobia, maybe Dean was just going through internalized transphobia. It sounded stupid to him, but he was laying in bed in extreme discomfort because he was too scared to take the risk that Cas might maybe possibly find out that he’s trans. And he knew it was stupid because Cas was a huge ally to the trans community and never judged anyone so it was irrational to think he’d be any different with Dean but he was still scared. 

 

“Dean would you  _ please  _ just go use the bathroom?” Cas sighed, slamming his book down on the bed. “You are loud and squirming and you are making it very hard to focus on what I’m reading.” 

 

“Sorry.” Dean huffed tensely. 

 

“All this and you still haven’t gotten over the horrible idea of using a bucket?” Cas asked. 

 

Dean shook his head. 

 

Cas groaned and picked his book back up again. “Go pee or be quiet.” 

 

“You’re being an ass.” Dean grumbled. 

 

“I’m not an ass. I’m just annoyed.” Cas stated. 

 

“You’re an ass.” Dean repeated.

 

“I’ll remember that for next time you want me to pay for dinner.” Cas mused. 

 

“Forget I said anything.” Dean sang, rolling over and hugging Cas’s arm. 

 

“Oh  _ now  _ you like me again.” Cas snorted. 

 

“I always like you.” Dean smiled, reaching up and kissing Cas’s cheek. 

 

Cas turned to kiss him on the lips and whispered a quiet, “I always like you, too.” 

 

Dean grinned and cozied up to his side, letting out a content sigh.

* * *

 

After a while, Dean let out a quiet whimper on accident, able to stifle all the earlier ones. 

 

“Dean…” Cas drawled. “Go use the bucket.” 

 

“No.” Dean said obstinately, wriggling a little in his place. 

 

“Do it. I’m not putting up with this for two days.” Cas stated. “Actually you’d end up peeing yourself at some point which I’ll admit I would definitely find an amusing payback.” 

 

“How is that fair? Payback because I can’t bring myself to pee in a bucket?” Dean asked. 

 

“It’s a bucket, Dean. Not a small animal. I don’t understand how this is an issue with your dignity or morals or whatever your dumb excuse is.” Cas replied. 

 

“Do we have to do this again?” Dean groaned. 

 

“Not if you just go use the bucket and put us both out of our misery.” Cas answered. 

 

“I made  _ one  _ noise, Cas.” Dean argued. 

 

“And after one, there’s more. And I’m trying to read in peace.” Cas sighed. “It’s not often I get time to read during the school semester.”

 

“I know.” Dean grumbled. “I thought you were supposed to be doing things with  _ me  _ though up here.” 

 

“Well what am I supposed to do with a mess like you are right now?” Cas asked. 

 

“I’m not a mess.” Dean protested. 

 

“Can you really say that, Dean?” Cas replied. 

 

Dean sighed and laid back down. 

 

“That’s what I thought.” Cas hummed.

 

More time had passed at Dean was at his breaking point. He was fighting so hard not to squirm or make noise, but was also doing all in his power to keep everything inside him. But... _ what if he didn’t _ ? Dean thought for a moment. He was in multiple thick layers...and maybe if he just took a little of the strain off of his bladder, he could regain control for a while.

 

Cautiously, Dean let himself relax and started purposely leaking into his clothes. Just the little bit that was coming out felt so good and he didn’t want to stop. But he realized he was going to soak through his clothes if he wasn’t careful so he stopped. Almost. Since he’d started, he couldn’t fully stop anymore and pee was still dribbling out of him into his clothing. He had totally just fucked himself. 

 

“You know what Dean?” Cas began. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom and show you that the world does not end if you pee in a bucket.” 

 

This was perfect timing. Dean nodded at him and immediately looked around the room. With Cas gone for a minute, Dean could find a small corner in the room and relieve himself without Cas ever seeing. 

 

“Be back in a minute.” Cas said, slipping out of the bed and standing up. 

 

Dean frantically looked around but there wasn’t much. The floor was hard-wood so if he just went on the floor it would spread everywhere and be seen unlike carpet where he could have just gone under the bed discreetly. There wasn’t a trash bin he could use or even a rug or a towel. At this rate he would have no objection to just shoving a towel between his legs. All there was in the room was the bed, some dressers, and…  _ and Cas’s suitcase.  _

 

Dean quickly got out of the bed, already dreading the moral guilt that would forever be placed upon him for this. But the suitcase would contain everything and the clothes would soak everything up and they’re just clothes - they could be washed. It was better than having to out himself to Cas while being stuck together hours from home. 

 

So Dean waddled over to the open suitcase, feeling his under-layers squish as he moved. His shirt was borrowed from Cas so it was too big for him and would cover up the fact his pants were down and if by some horror Cas walked in on him, he would be able to just pass it off as looking for something. 

 

Dean went over to the corner of it and pushed his pants down just so he could squat without peeing on them. As soon as his legs felt the cold air, he lots control and ended up starting to pee anyways, so he quickly just got down and pulled them further out of the way. He’d picked a small corner of it to hope to keep everything to one area, but with how bad he’d needed to go, the stream was spraying further into the case that he planned, which meant pee was getting all over a bunch of clothes instead of just a few. 

 

“Dean!” Cas called from around the corner. “Guess what? The world didn’t end!”

 

Dean panicked hearing Cas come back soon. He thought he’d take longer, but he was right there about the enter the room, but wouldn't think or notice anything as long as Dean played it cool. So Dean just forced a laugh as Cas entered the room. 

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Cas shouted. 

 

Okay so maybe Cas noticed. 

 

Dean looked at him in horror. 

 

“Get the fuck out of my suitcase!” Cas ordered, storming over to him. 

 

Dean jumped back, tripping over his downed pants and falling. 

 

“What is your problem, Dean?” Cas scowled, cringing as he held up one of the sopping wet shirts. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Dean whimpered as he brought his hands to his face and started crying. 

 

Cas finally looked over at him now sitting in a large puddle and then sighed as he realized what was going on. Cas pushed aside his anger and sat down next to Dean, making a displeased noise as he felt his butt and legs get wet from the puddle.  

 

“Dean. You could have just told me.” He said softly. 

 

Dean shook his head and whined. 

 

“This is why you were so scared of me leaving you, wasn’t it?” Cas asked. 

 

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, still crying. 

 

“I’m not going to leave you.” Cas stated, pulling Dean’s hands away from his face. “I don’t care if you’re trans, Dean. I’m interested in you, not just your body.” 

 

“Really?” Dean asked. 

 

“Really.” Cas sighed. “But when we get home, you are washing all these clothes and cleaning this suitcase, got it?” 

 

Dean nodded silently as Cas wiped his tears off his face. 

 

“You can’t just pee in people’s suitcases, Dean.” Cas huffed. “Bucket next time.” 

 

“Bucket.” Dean stated. 

 

“I’m going to get a towel. Or two.” Cas muttered, standing up and going to the dresser. He opened one of the drawers and handed Dean a towel and then rolled the other one up and put it in his suitcase. “Be right back.” 

 

“Okay.” Dean said quietly, beginning to use the towel to mop up the puddle around him. 

 

Cas returned with a washcloth from the kitchen that he’d dampened. “Here. Clean yourself up before you get back in bed. And put on dry clothes too.” 

 

Dean made a noise of understanding as Cas sighed and began taking off his wet clothes. 

 

Once they’d cleaned up the best they could they got back in bed and Cas wrapped one arm around Dean as he held his book with his other hand. “Dean?” 

 

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean replied. 

 

“You’re not actually a virgin, right?” Cas asked. 

 

“No.” Dean laughed. 

 

“Thank God.” Cas drawled. “And Dean?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I love you, by the way.” Cas whispered. “Not just adore.”

 

“I love you, too. Not just adore.” Dean giggled, rolling over in his arm and kissing him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Send creative vibes though! This was my 49th fic which means the next one I post is going to be the start of my longer fic. I'm in the process of outlining it but fuck do I hate outlining, but I need it...But I hate it. Hopefully I can get some outlining done on my flight tomorrow.


End file.
